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The second ask
Asking again, with a no, no, how are you, is how one founder tries to truly see someone. The first answer is the reflex. The second is the one that opens up a conversation.
Seasons of suffering
Behind the second ask is a plain observation: everyone is either entering a season of suffering, in one, or exiting one. Those are the only three options.
Peace and circumstances
The same founder paid attention to what gives him peace and what takes it away, and found that it usually has little to do with circumstances. He spent his twenties and most of his thirties in what looked from the outside like the peak: four healthy children, a wife who loves him, a firm that has gone well, and a lot of money made. Most of that time he was anxious, hurried, and frustrated. That is why he believes peace and joy in the midst of circumstances that aren't fantastic must be possible, since he experienced no peace in the midst of great circumstances.
Why do people answer fine automatically?
Anthropologist Bronislaw Malinowski coined the term phatic communion in 1923 for speech whose purpose is to build social bonds rather than pass on information. Greetings such as how are you work this way: both people expect a routine reply, and neither expects a report on health. Linguists have since studied how such formulas keep daily interactions smooth.
Why don't good circumstances bring peace?
In a 1978 study, psychologists Philip Brickman, Dan Coates, and Ronnie Janoff-Bulman compared lottery winners, accident victims, and a control group. The lottery winners reported being no happier overall than the controls, and they took less pleasure in everyday events. The paper was titled Lottery Winners and Accident Victims: Is Happiness Relative?
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