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Give kids a reputation
The method is to give each child a reputation to live up to. Children are quite inconsistent about the trait at first, so the inconsistencies get ignored. The moments when it shows up get highlighted, and the reinforcement continues until the trait becomes part of who the child thinks they are. It works for each child individually.
A family can also keep short phrases for these traits. One child's phrase is about trying and figuring it out. After hearing it enough times, that child now reports that he just did it the same way, which is shorthand for I didn't give up, I tried until I figured it out.
Another child loves Pokemon and already understands that every character in a show has a special power. Told that he has one too, he asked what it was, and he was told what it is.
There is a downside. Making one child's trait sound so good can make a sibling's feel less special, so each child has to receive an equally strong one. It is not perfect, but it is powerful, and it builds a culture in the home before anyone tries to build one in an office.
Why does naming a trait change how children act?
In a 1975 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers Richard Miller, Philip Brickman, and Diana Bolen worked with fifth graders in a classroom. Children who were repeatedly told they were tidy littered less afterward than children who were urged to be tidy. The label seems to work because children adopt the description as part of their self-image. Psychologists call this attribution.
Why can a label backfire on a child?
Psychologist Carol Dweck and Claudia Mueller reported in 1998 that fifth graders praised for being smart chose easier tasks afterward than children praised for effort. Children praised for ability also did worse after a hard failure. A label tied to a fixed quality can make a child protect it instead of stretching. A trait tied to effort, such as persistence, avoided that effect in their experiments.
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