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Healthy love can end any day
Choosing every day
Codependency is I need you in my life. Healthy is I want you in my life and I'm creating a space for you, and if you don't earn that place, I'm not going to keep you. It is an empowering place to be: you can go to bed with just yourself at the end of the day, and if someone adds to your stress, no thanks.
Dating your partner
Partners fight, drive each other insane, and trigger each other, and that doesn't make either of them wrong for the other. People change, so it also takes continuing to date your partner and getting curious about who they're becoming.
Frozen early days
People who can't get over someone often hold them to the early days, when they were really amazing. That freezes the relationship in its early stages and keeps the other person from being seen as who they are now.
Why is commitment separate from passion?
Psychologist Robert Sternberg proposed the triangular theory of love in a 1986 paper in Psychological Review. It holds that love has three components: intimacy, passion, and commitment. Different combinations produce different kinds of love, and a bond with intimacy and commitment but little passion is what he called companionate love. Sternberg called the combination of all three consummate love.
Why does novelty keep couples close?
Arthur Aron's self-expansion model proposes that people are motivated to grow, and that shared new experiences make a partner feel like a source of growth. In a 2000 experiment published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Aron and colleagues had couples do either a mundane task or a novel one. In the novel task, they were tied together at the wrist and ankle and crawled over a mat with a foam barrier while pushing a cylinder with their heads. The couples who did the novel task reported greater gains in relationship quality afterward.
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