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Share in steps, not all at once
Social media has made oversharing feel normal, and some people treat a new friend like a Threads connection, pouring everything out and expecting the listener to sit with it. Among millions of people on a platform like Threads, someone will always engage with the deepest secrets. A person met at a run club, a networking event, a Pilates class, or the gym is in a different position.
A first impression is the chance for a new friend to get to know a person's character. The wounded, traumatized, and hurt parts don't have to appear right away. Something serious can come up naturally in conversation, but people often don't want to be placed early in the role of mentor or therapist when they came looking for genuine connection.
Over time, certain people stand out as ones worth building deep intimacy with, and that is when gradual opening up makes sense. Taking time to let people know who you are, and to learn who they are, keeps the friendship moving at a pace both sides can handle.
How does gradual sharing build closeness?
In 1997, psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues paired strangers and had them work through 36 questions that grew steadily more personal, while control pairs made small talk. Pairs in the escalating condition reported feeling closer afterward than the small-talk pairs. The question set is often called the 36 questions. The paper appeared in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin.
Why does taking turns sharing matter?
Susan Sprecher and colleagues ran a study published in 2013 in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology titled Taking Turns. Pairs of strangers exchanged personal information in conversation, and pairs who shared reciprocally, each responding to the other's disclosure, reported more liking and closeness than pairs where one person shared while the other only listened. The study focused on first interactions between people who had just met.
Why does sharing feel easier online?
Psychologist John Suler named the online disinhibition effect in a 2004 paper in CyberPsychology & Behavior. He identified several causes, including anonymity, invisibility, and the lack of immediate reactions from others. People online often say things more openly, or more intensely, than they would face to face. Suler described a benign form, in which people share more openly, and a toxic form, in which they are harsher.
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