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She got her biggest offer and told no one
The email
The email arrived while dating coach Sabrina Zohar was outside with Ryan, who reacted right away. When she went back in, the group asked if everything was okay. She was about to tell them, and then she thought: this isn't safe. She said everything was good, sat down, and put her phone away.
Watching the group
She got curious about what each person would do. One would make it about herself, one would get jealous, and one would ask whether that was it. She realized they weren't her people, and that was fine.
Her people
With her people, the reaction is capital letters: oh my God, we need to celebrate.
Why does a friend's reaction to good news matter?
In 2004, Shelly Gable and colleagues published a study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology titled What Do You Do When Things Go Right? They found that how a partner responds to good news predicts relationship well-being. The most beneficial response was active-constructive, meaning enthusiastic and engaged, while passive or dismissive responses were linked to lower satisfaction. Gable called the process of sharing good news with others capitalization.
Why can a friend's success sting?
In 1988, Abraham Tesser proposed the self-evaluation maintenance model. It holds that when a close person outperforms us in an area central to how we see ourselves, the comparison can hurt. When the area is not central to our identity, a close person's success is more likely to be enjoyed as reflected glory. The same achievement can therefore land very differently depending on who is hearing it.
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