A lifelong performer quiets stage fright with one silent sentence about helping
Speaker coach Montana von Fliss rehearses what she tells herself as carefully as what she tells the room.
TEDx Talks · How to be confident (even if you’re not) | Montana von Fliss | TEDxBellevueWomenMontana von Fliss, a professional actor since childhood and now a speaker coach, loves the stage and has often been terrified to step onto it. She describes shaking, sweating, and being flooded with voices asking, "What was I thinking? Why do I do this to myself?" Trying to push those thoughts away never worked.
When she became a coach, the professional presentations went well, but the anxiety stayed. She started listening to what she was telling herself. The message was, "What if you mess up? You better be perfect." She realized she was demanding flawlessness from herself.
She went back to square one and asked what she wanted and why she had agreed to speak. At the heart of it, she wanted to help her audience to the best of her ability. That became her first silent sentence: "I want to help my audience to the best of my ability."
Even said silently, it acted like an override switch, she said. The trembling did not always stop, but she now had a larger aim that put everything else in order. Helping became the highest priority.
Her lesson was that inner talk can be written down like outer talk. If spoken lines deserved careful wording, her silent lines deserved the same care. "Put it in the script," she said. "It's the silent part of the script."
Her current version is: "I invite you to be here with me while I am here with you so that I can make this easier for you." The invitation to herself is her definition of stage presence, which is being present. The audience part matters because it reminds her they are friends, not foes, and that she is choosing to welcome them. That made her a welcoming host in reality, not only in appearance.
Questions people ask
Does repeating a helpful sentence actually calm nerves?
That is what Von Fliss reports from her own performing. She says she still shook and sweated, but holding a helping goal gave her attention something steady to follow. Coaches often teach a similar outward focus, though results vary from person to person.
How do I find my own silent sentence?
Start with why you accepted the invitation. Von Fliss suggests asking what you want for listeners, such as helping one person or making a process clearer. Turn that purpose into one short sentence in your own words, and say it silently each time you rehearse.
Do experienced speakers still get nervous?
Von Fliss says she does. She describes herself as a lifelong performer who still deals with nerves before talks. Whether that is true for most experienced speakers goes beyond her account.