A Whole Foods Shopper Jokes That Money Makes You Sick
In a satirical grocery run, special diets, yoga pants, and a vitamin aisle diagnosis become markers of money.
In a satirical personal essay about a Sunday trip to Whole Foods, the writer turns an ordinary grocery run into a joke about money and wellness. The upscale chain sells organic and natural foods, and she has just reached the gluten-free aisle, where breads and crackers are made without wheat.
As she tells it, "I'm not rich enough to have dietary restrictions." She jokes, "Ever notice that you don't meet poor people with special diet needs?" asking what a gluten-intolerant house cleaner or a cab driver with Candida would look like. Candida is a yeast that normally lives in the body and that wellness culture often blames for fatigue, bloat, and cravings.
Candida, as she puts it, is "a rich, white person problem," a sign you have really made it. Her personal theory, offered as a joke, is that you catch it from too much hot yoga, the sweaty exercise class done in a heated room. "If I were a yeast, I would want to live in your yoga pants," she says.
To underline her one point, that money shapes what counts as a health problem, she describes what happens in the vitamin aisle. A clerk who at first looks homeless, but is in fact a former pharmaceutical sales representative, talks her into buying estrogen for her mustache and a bottle of Women's Acidophilus, the live-culture pills sold to balance yeast, leaving her convinced she has Candida after all.
At checkout, a cashier she rates as 95 percent beautiful rings up her meat, alcohol, gluten, and the wrapper from a chocolate bar she had already eaten while waiting, with visible disapproval. When the cashier scans the Acidophilus, she gives a pitying frown and whispers that if the shopper wants to get rid of her Candida, she should stop feeding it. The total is $313. The shopper reaches for her wallet, smiles quietly, and says, "Namaste."
Questions people ask
Is Candida a real medical problem?
Candida is a yeast that normally lives in the mouth, gut, and skin. In people with weakened immune systems or certain medical conditions, it can overgrow and cause infections, but the broad symptoms often blamed on it in wellness stores, like tiredness and cravings, are not a recognized medical diagnosis.
Can poor people really not be gluten intolerant?
Yes. Celiac disease is an autoimmune disorder in which gluten, a protein in wheat, rye, and barley, damages the small intestine, and some other people have a diagnosed wheat allergy or sensitivity. It can affect people at any income level, though gluten-free packaged foods often cost more, which can make the diet more visible among wealthier shoppers.
What is Women's Acidophilus, and does it do anything?
Acidophilus is a type of Lactobacillus, a bacterium used in yogurt and sold as probiotic pills. There is modest evidence for some digestive uses, but there is no strong evidence that over-the-counter Women's Acidophilus cures yeast overgrowth, and shoppers should be skeptical of a diagnosis made at a checkout counter.