Ask a Ghost Story Teller What the Ghost Wanted, Then What They Want From It
Writer Coya Paz Brownrigg says most ghosts want to be acknowledged, and asking what you want from the ghost opens up grief and connection.
TED Talks Daily · The haunting truth of ghost stories | Coya Paz Brownrigg (re-release)Writer and director Coya Paz Brownrigg collects ghost stories from ordinary people, and she found that two simple questions can turn a spooky anecdote into a real conversation about life, death, and each other.
The next time someone tells you a ghost story, try her method. As Paz Brownrigg puts it, first ask, "what do you think this ghost wanted?" She says the answer is usually easy, because most ghosts fit into three types and all want pretty much the same thing, to be acknowledged.
Then ask the second and more important question, in her words, "what is it that you want from the ghost?" She says most tellers feel unsure whether the ghost was real, so this question shifts attention from proof to desire. It invites the storyteller to talk about longing, loss, love, or the wish not to be forgotten and not to forget.
If you are hoping to connect and are unsure how to begin, invite someone to share a ghost story. Paz Brownrigg offered it for a time that feels divided and heavy with grief, when many people have been separated from the people and places they love most, and when we are not always good at talking about death or how history lives in the present.
Expect an unpredictable answer. She says the person might laugh at you, turn the question back on you, tell a chilling story, or tell one that makes you cry. If you are lucky, you will start wondering what else you do not know about a place, a history, a people, each other, and yourself. Start by asking, tell me your ghost story.
Questions people ask
Do I have to believe in ghosts to try this?
No. Paz Brownrigg says most people who tell her a ghost story are unsure whether ghosts exist, or are sure there must be a rational explanation. The questions work anyway because they are about what the story means, not whether it can be proved.
What is spectrality studies?
It is an interdisciplinary area of research that treats ghost stories and hauntings as serious ways that people record history, process trauma, and talk about justice and memory. Scholars in literature, history, sociology, and other fields use it to study stories that official records leave out.
What if the ghost story is really about someone who just died?
Listen first without debating the facts, then ask the two questions gently. If the story touches on a recent death or a painful history, acknowledge the feeling before the mystery, and let the other person decide how far to go.