Confidence Isn't Feeling Calm, It's Helping the Audience Feel Safe
Speaker coach Montana von Fliss says audiences take their cue from how you show up, the way passengers trust a steady captain.
TEDx Talks · How to be confident (even if you’re not) | Montana von Fliss | TEDxBellevueWomenMontana von Fliss, a speaker coach who has spent 17 years working with thousands of speakers from startups to chief executives of large companies, walked onstage and pretended to be a boat captain.
First she was the nervous one. “Hi, um, my name is Montana Von Fliss,” she stammered. “Uh, so I’ll be your captain for this journey. Oh, boy. Let’s just have a great trip. Sorry.” The crowd laughed. The response, as she voiced it, was “Get me off of this boat.”
Then she did the same greeting again, brisk and clear. “Hi, my name is Montana Von Fliss, I’ll be your captain for this journey. Let’s have a great trip.” The point, she said, is simple: “When you are the speaker, you are the captain for that journey, and how you show up really matters.”
That is her argument about confidence. It is not an inner state to achieve before you speak. It is a set of choices that tells the audience they are in good hands. Passengers cannot read the captain’s mind, they can only watch and listen, so the ums, the long pauses, and the apology register as danger, while steadiness registers as safety.
Von Fliss closed by asking her listeners to remember the physical relief they felt when the second captain appeared. “Oh, what a relief. Now I can just sit back and enjoy the ride,” she said, describing that shift. Practicing confident delivery, she said, “might feel uncomfortable at first because it’s new,” and that is normal.
But that discomfort is worth pushing through, in her view, because the payoff belongs to other people. “Remember that feeling of safety you had as an audience member and bring that into your next rehearsal,” she said. “You can give that gift to your audience.”
Questions people ask
If I'm still terrified inside, will the audience really believe I am confident?
Yes, to a degree. Audiences judge confidence from outward cues like steady volume, eye contact, posture, and pauses, not from your heart rate. Acting steady can also calm you down a bit, because slower breathing and an upright posture signal safety to your own nervous system.
What is the fastest thing to do right before I have to speak?
Short-term, focus on the body and the next line, not on eliminating fear. Plant your feet, breathe out slowly, speak a little louder, and pause between thoughts. Having one rehearsed opening sentence helps most, because the first 30 seconds are usually the shakiest.
What does nervous speaking sound like to an audience?
Nervous speakers tend to speed up, get quiet, and fill every silence with um, uh, like, or sorry. They may also shrink physically, avoid eye contact, or rush past transitions. To listeners, those habits sound like uncertainty, even when the content is strong.