Good Leaders Steady a Team by Pulling Against Its Mood

Jocko Willink, a former Navy SEAL commander who led troops in Iraq, was explaining what a leader actually does with morale. A team, he said, acts like a mob. Members feed off one another, and the leader cannot afford to get swept up with them.

His rule, in his words: “You’ve got to be the counterweight to the emotions that other people have.”

By counterweight, Willink means a deliberate pull in the opposite direction. He learned it in combat, where the swings are extreme. After a mission that goes perfectly, with gunfire survived and high fives all around, nobody wants to clean weapons or review mistakes. The team feels invincible and wants to skip the followup work and rest.

That is when the leader pulls back toward the center. Willink said the move is to acknowledge the good operation and then bring the group back to improvements they can make. After a bad operation, especially one with casualties, the pull goes the other way. The team mopes around the base and its spirit starts to break. The leader cannot break with them, Willink argues, but has to acknowledge the loss, point to lessons, and name what he and they will do better so it never happens again.

Asked how that applies at home, Willink gave an example: if his kid wins a wrestling tournament and wants to go wild, perhaps with a triple cheese pizza, he moderates without crushing the joy. “That was awesome. You had a great day,” is how Willink describes the response, followed by a suggestion of a smaller reward and a turn toward preparation for next week.

The balance matters in both directions. Willink cautions against greeting a win with “You could have won by more,” or greeting a loss with “You got what you deserve.” He adds that leaders should still mark wins, because people who never stop to celebrate at all can burn out. The job, as a leader, parent, friend, or spouse, is to keep others from tipping too far either way.