School Made Friends for You, and Adulthood Does Not
Without the daily repetition of school, even work rarely supplies the closeness that turns acquaintances into friends.
This Feels Familiar with Minaa B. · 80: How to Make and Sustain Friendships as an AdultIn Minaa B.'s view, adults have not lost the knack for friendship. They have lost the daily setup that made it feel effortless.
That is her explanation for why so many people struggle to connect later in life. Minaa B., a therapist, author, and host who focuses on belonging and relationships, says school supplied what adults now lack: the same building, the same faces, and hours together day after day. Those repeated run-ins built shared experiences, and shared experiences turned into bonds, without much planning.
Adulthood removes that system. As Minaa B. puts it, "Nobody is forced to get up and go to school from 8:00 to 4:00 anymore." "Now we are forced to get up and go to work for numerous hours a day," and that trade does not fill the gap.
A job gathers adults in one place, yet many colleagues prefer to keep things professional. Friendly talk at work often stays light, and rarely grows into a close and sustaining bond.
Friendship, then, stops being automatic and starts depending on deliberate planning by both people. Someone has to seek out others, carve out time, and keep showing up. Because that kind of sustained follow-through is uncommon, ties formed in school or college often fade unless both sides keep investing.
The takeaway is simple and demanding: adults have to build their own version of the school day, with regular, repeated contact, or closeness has nowhere to grow.
Questions people ask
If I see coworkers every day, why doesn't that create friendship the way school did?
Repetition helps, but shared intent matters too. School surrounded you with peers at the same life stage with time to linger, while many adults keep work cordial and separate. Friendship is more likely when both people want something personal, not just pleasant teamwork.
What counts as creating proximity as an adult?
It means building your own version of the school schedule. That usually looks like joining a class, group, volunteer shift, or neighborhood routine where you will see the same people week after week. One meeting rarely makes a friend, but repeated, expected contact does.