Stop Praising Kids for Being Smart. Praise Their Effort Instead.
Praising hard work, strategies, focus, and perseverance builds resilience, while praising talent makes kids more vulnerable when things get hard.
Stanford Alumni · Developing a Growth Mindset with Carol DweckCarol Dweck, a researcher who studies how children respond to difficulty, suggests that the kind of praise a child hears shapes resilience. Dweck's research suggests children praised for process learn challenge seeking and resilience, while children praised for talent or intelligence become more vulnerable.
The risk of getting praise wrong is not just lower grades. Dweck said many employers tell her, "we've already created a generation of young workers who can't get through the day without a reward." When children fixate on grades and test scores, she said, they may carry that need for constant validation into adult work.
Her answer is to praise wisely. Dweck said her research shows that "when we praise kids for the process they engage in for their hard work, their strategies, their focus, their perseverance" they learn challenge seeking and resilience. By contrast, she said, praising talent and praising intelligence makes children vulnerable.
That means changing the sentence after a good result. Instead of labeling the child as smart or talented, describe what the child did that can be repeated next time. Name the hard work, the strategies, the focus, or the perseverance you saw.
The same rule applies after a poor result. Do not rescue the child with talk about being smart anyway. Point to the process that can improve, and treat the setback as unfinished. One way to try this, offered here as a practical suggestion and not as Dweck's instruction, is to catch one "you're so smart" before it leaves your mouth and replace it with what you saw the child do.
Questions people ask
Should I never praise a good grade or a win?
No. Dweck's point is to make process praise the main habit, not the only sentence you ever say. You can acknowledge a good grade or win, then connect it to how it happened, such as sustained effort, a smart strategy, or careful focus.
What should I say when my child tries hard but still fails?
Do not praise failed effort as if the outcome does not matter. Acknowledge that the result was not there yet, then review the strategies used and what could be tried next. The goal is to link perseverance to a better plan, not to effort alone.
Does this work for employees, not just kids?
This talk focused on children, so there is no adult result cited here. If you try the same language at work, think of it as an idea to try, not as a finding from the child research described here.