Tell the Person Who Changed Your Life, Because They Probably Do Not Know It
A forgotten lollipop joke kept a frightened student from quitting, and showed why gratitude has to be said out loud.
TEDx Talks · TEDxToronto - Drew Dudley "Leading with Lollipops"On his last day at Mount Allison University in Sackville, New Brunswick, Drew Dudley was stopped by a graduating student who told him he had changed her life. Four years earlier, on her first terrified day of school, she had been standing in the registration line and planning to quit when Dudley, wearing a silly hat and handing out lollipops for a student charity fundraiser, said, "You need to give a lollipop to the beautiful woman standing next to you," then told her parents with mock severity that she was already taking candy from a stranger. Twenty feet of students burst out laughing, and in that laughter she decided she should not quit, that she was home. She stayed, and she kept dating that young man.
Dudley had no memory of any of it. The moment she called one of the most important in her life had vanished completely from his.
That forgetting is the reason for his advice. Think back to your own lollipop moment, a time when someone said or did something that fundamentally made your life better, and then tell that person they did it. Do not assume they know, because the biggest impact you ever have may be one you do not remember, and they may not remember the good they did either.
As Dudley said, "We celebrate birthdays, where all you have to do is not die for 365 days," and yet we allow people who helped us to go on never hearing about it. Every person, he tells the audience, has been the catalyst for someone else's lollipop moment, and many of us are simply among those who have not been told yet.
His larger point, which he offered as a call to action, is to think of leadership in terms of "lollipop moments, how many of them we create, how many we acknowledge, how many we pay forward, and how many we say thank you for." Start with the last one. Pick one person, and tell them.
Questions people ask
What counts as a lollipop moment?
It does not have to be dramatic. It can be a joke that broke the tension, an introduction, a compliment before a job interview, or advice that gave you confidence. If you still remember it years later, and your life went a little better because of it, it counts.
How should I actually tell the person?
Keep it simple and specific. Say what happened, when it happened, and what changed for you afterward. A short call, letter, or in-person thank you works better than a vague compliment, because it tells the other person exactly what they did.
What if it was years ago and I have lost touch?
Try anyway. A message through a mutual friend, workplace, school, or social media often reaches them, and even a note sent years later lands. Dudley was told four years after the moment, and he says a year and a half after he moved to Toronto he received an invitation to the couple's wedding.