To Get Shoes on a Child, Make It Part of the Story
A play researcher says adults should ask "why not?" before refusing a detour, and a parent uses it to get shoes on.
TED Talks Daily · How imaginary worlds help kids learn | Anna RainioWhen Chloe Szasz Brooks, a curator and parent, needs one of her kids to do something they are unwilling to do, she sometimes starts with a story the child already loves.
Brooks puts her line like this: "You can be Moana's little sister and I'll be Moana, and you can run into my arms and I'll catch you." Then, mid-game, she puts the shoes on. She mentions The Lion King as another story she uses.
The move comes from the research of Anna Rainio, an educator and play expert who studies what happens when adults and children build an imaginative world together. Her advice to grownups is summed up in two words: why not?
The idea is simple. When a child makes a request or veers in an unpredictable direction, adults often feel they have to refuse or put the child off. Rainio says that reaction is normal because changing plans feels difficult, and going in a different direction can feel like wasting precious time. Her method is to pause before answering and ask whether there is a solid reason to refuse.
To try it at home, pick a story your child already loves, not a new one you have to explain. You could try casting both of you quickly, for example with the child as Moana's little sister. Start the action first, with running, catching, roaring, or hiding, and let the shoes, coat, or toothbrush enter as part of that action. If there is a solid reason to refuse, because you are late or unsafe, say it. But Rainio says: "often there isn't, and when there isn't, you can go along with your children in that unpredictable direction and doors will open."
Start with Moana, or whatever world is already playing on repeat in your house.
Questions people ask
What if my child does not care about Moana or The Lion King?
Use whatever story, movie, game, or character they already repeat on their own. The method works because the child knows the roles and plot without explanation, so they can step into the game instantly. Any favorite, from dinosaurs to superheroes, can carry the same everyday task.
What if playing makes the task take longer and we are late?
Then that is one of the solid reasons to refuse the detour. The approach assumes you have a few extra minutes for the scene to play out. When time is tight, it is better to be direct, keep the routine short, and save the story game for a moment when you can follow through.
Does this mean I should never say no to my child?
No. The point of asking why not is to sort quick, harmless yeses from needed nos. Safety issues, firm limits, and other people's needs are still reasons to refuse. The trick is to stop the automatic no, check for a real reason, and say yes when there is none.