To Make Friends as an Adult, Join a Group That Meets Again
Seeing the same faces builds liking, so choose repetition over one-night networking.
Life Kit · 5 rituals to reclaim that back-to-school buzzMarisa Franco, a psychologist who wrote the book Platonic, has blunt advice for adults who want more friends: skip the networking event.
Join a group that meets on a regular schedule instead, like a class that gathers every week. You will see the same people over time, and that repetition helps liking grow.
Little kids make it look simple. They walk up, share toys or snacks, and suddenly have a new friend. Childhood friendship had a built-in advantage, because school put the same kids in the same room every day. As an adult, you have to recreate that structure on purpose.
The reason is what Franco calls "the mere exposure effect, our unconscious tendency to like people simply because they're familiar to us."
That also changes how to judge a first meeting. Franco says to expect discomfort when you first meet new people, so do not decide after one awkward book club night that you should stop going. That discomfort, she says, is just part of the process.
So pick one repeating group and commit to returning.
Questions people ask
What is the mere exposure effect, really?
It is our unconscious tendency to like people simply because they feel familiar. The effect shows up in psychology research, where people tend to rate familiar faces, songs, and even nonsense words more positively with repeated exposure.
What kind of repeating activity should I choose?
Pick something you would attend even without the friendship payoff, with a stable roster and a set schedule. A weekly class, a monthly book club, or a regular professional group all work because the same people return and conversation can build slowly.
What if the first meeting feels awkward?
Keep going rather than deciding the group is not for you. Franco's point is that early awkwardness is normal, and liking often needs repeated contact before you can tell whether a connection is there.