Work Gives Quick Wins; Family Pays Off Only After 20 Years
At his Harvard reunions, Christensen watched successful classmates divorce and drift from their children, though not one had planned it.
Talks at Google · Where Does Growth Come From? | Clayton Christensen | Talks at GoogleNear the end of a lecture on why successful companies fail, Clayton Christensen, a Harvard graduate who had spent his career studying business, turned the lens on himself and his classmates.
He had been talking about bad metrics, and he argued the same problem ruins home life. When driven people have an extra half hour, they instinctively spend it on whatever offers the most immediate, visible proof of achievement, as Christensen put it, "the most immediate and tangible evidence of achievement."
He learned it at his own reunions, Christensen said. He and his wife, Christine, had lived in Boston since graduation, so they went to every five, 10, 15, and 20 year gathering. At the fifth, everything looked perfect. Friends had married attractive spouses, their children seemed polite and easy, and work seemed to be going great.
By the 10th, many of the people he most wanted to see stayed home, and mutual friends explained they were in the middle of awful divorces. By the 15th, even fewer came. Some were divorced, some had remarried, and some were raising children from across the country. By the 20th and 25th, he said, it was really scary.
Christensen said he could say "with perfect certainty" that not one classmate had planned for that outcome. No one graduated intending to raise children who would hate them, or to divorce two or three times. They intended to build happy homes that would sustain them for decades, but how they spent their time was the opposite.
The reason, he argued, is what achievement feels like day to day. At work, every day brings proof. You ship a product, finish a project, close a deal, get paid, or get promoted. At home, there is almost no daily proof. The children misbehave every day, and the house gets cluttered every day.
Only after 20 years, Christensen said, can a parent look at a son or daughter, hands on hips, and say, "My gosh, we created a wonderful young man or woman." So achievement driven people keep investing in their careers and underinvesting in their children and spouses, even though they meant for family to be a lasting source of happiness.
Questions people ask
Did Christensen write more about this idea?
Yes. He expanded the reunion story into the book How Will You Measure Your Life, written with James Allworth and Karen Dillon and published in 2012. It applies his theories about purpose, incentives, and tradeoffs to marriage, parenting, and personal integrity.
Is there research that careers really crowd out family time?
Time-use research in the United States generally suggests that highly educated, high-earning professionals work longer hours and report more work-family conflict. Researchers also find that small, regular investments of attentive time, like shared meals and bedtime routines, predict stronger parent-child relationships.
What did Christensen suggest people do differently?
In his book How Will You Measure Your Life, he argues for choosing metrics on purpose rather than chasing daily wins. In the book, that meant reserving time and energy in advance for a spouse and children, the same way a company must reserve resources for long-term growth, instead of giving family only what is left over.