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Careers pay off faster than kids
The reunions
At the five-year reunion at Harvard Business School, friends had married impressive partners, had well-behaved children, and held good jobs. By the 10th, a lot of people did not show up, and when asked, common friends more often than expected said an awful divorce was under way. The 15th reunion had even fewer people, and by the 20th and 25th it was scary.
Why work wins
Not one classmate planned to raise children who hate them or to divorce once, twice, or three times. At work, every day brings a shipped product, a finished project, a promotion, a paycheck, or a closed deal. At home, the kids misbehave every day and the place gets cluttered, and the evidence of having raised a wonderful young man or woman arrives about 20 years later.
So time and energy go to careers, and children and spouses get underinvested, even though a happy home was the intention.
Why does fast feedback shape behavior so strongly?
Psychologist B. F. Skinner showed in animal experiments that rewards delivered immediately after an action strengthen it far more than delayed ones. Economist and psychologist George Ainslie later described hyperbolic discounting, in which the pull of a reward drops steeply as it moves further away. A paycheck or a closed deal sits near the start of that curve. A child's character, built over two decades, sits at the far end.
What do long-running studies say about relationships?
The Harvard Study of Adult Development began in 1938 and has followed hundreds of men, along with later participants from their families, across their lives. Its directors, including psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, have reported that the quality of close relationships predicted health and happiness in later life better than wealth or fame did. The study has tracked participants through interviews, medical records, and questionnaires. It is among the longest studies of adult life ever conducted.
Where does this story come from?
Clayton Christensen taught at Harvard Business School for decades and later wrote How Will You Measure Your Life? with James Allworth and Karen Dillon. The book grew out of a 2010 Harvard Business Review article he wrote. In it, he applied his business theories to personal life and described the class reunions as an example. The book was published in 2012.
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