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The if/then trap

The pattern sounds like this: if I am a bestselling author, then I will be happy. If I lose 20 pounds, then I will be happy. If I become a mother, then I will be happy. Each one says happiness cannot start until the goal is achieved.

Enjoying the process

Highly effective people enjoy the process of reaching a goal as much as the goal. Someone who wants to lose 20 pounds could find workouts they love every day and workout partners who make them laugh. If the goal gets achieved, fantastic, and the happiness has been happening in each moment of doing it.

Testing a project

The same test works on projects. Many people say they want to write books, and the question is whether they love being alone at a computer for three months and then spending years marketing it. Another is whether the ego wants to be able to say 'author,' which is a different want from loving to write.

Why do achieved goals feel less rewarding?

In 1978 Philip Brickman, Dan Coates, and Ronnie Janoff-Bulman interviewed 22 people who had won major lottery prizes and compared them with a control group. The winners did not report being significantly happier overall, and they took less pleasure in everyday events than the controls. Researchers describe this return to a baseline as hedonic adaptation. Brickman and Donald Campbell had called the idea the hedonic treadmill in 1971.

Does chasing status goals change wellbeing?

In 1993 Tim Kasser and Richard Ryan surveyed people about their goals and well-being. Those who ranked financial success, fame, and image above personal growth, relationships, and community reported lower well-being. Kasser and Ryan called goals pursued for their own sake intrinsic, and goals pursued for external rewards extrinsic. The paper, A Dark Side of the American Dream, appeared in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

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