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Stop asking what people do
Who the question shuts out
Some people don't have jobs, some were laid off, and some are stay-at-home caregivers. For them the question can feel pretty alienating, and at a party in a place like Washington, D.C., it's the first thing people ask.
Better openers
Better openers invite a story. How do you know the hosts? How long have you lived in the neighborhood? What are your favorite things to do this summer? Questions like these give someone room to share something meaningful to them.
A job can be meaningful, and there is still a lot more to a person than whatever their capitalism survival strategy happens to be.
Why do people avoid asking deeper questions?
In a 2022 set of studies by Michael Kardas, Amit Kumar, and Nicholas Epley, strangers were asked to talk about either shallow topics or deeper ones. Participants expected the deeper conversations to be awkward, and they underestimated how close and how happy the talks would make them feel. Their actual conversations were less awkward and more enjoyable than they had predicted. Their partners also cared more about the answers than participants had expected.
Why does a job matter beyond a paycheck?
Social psychologist Marie Jahoda argued that employment gives people five things besides money: a structure for the day, regular contact with others, a shared purpose, a social status, and regular activity. She built the idea partly on the Marienthal study of 1933, which she helped lead in an Austrian town where the main factory had closed. The researchers found that the days of many unemployed residents lost their shape, and men were recorded walking more slowly and stopping more often.
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