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Take the shine off them
What they got away from
They were wasting your time while you begged them to see you. You were the one texting first and bringing it along, and when you opened your mouth, suddenly they wanted nothing.
Taking the shine off
Taking the shine off means seeing them as a real person: someone you liked, who didn't line up with what you're looking for in a partner. Nobody asked to be put on the pedestal they ended up on, and someone who kept you on a loop dysregulated your nervous system.
What people miss
Ask anyone going through a breakup what they miss, and the answers are how they felt with that person, the fantasy, the version they created, having someone there, and the perception of safety. It's very rarely the person. If the person had been healthy and secure, the breakup wouldn't have left such a mess, because a real conversation would have made it make sense.
Why do exes look better with time?
In 1997, Terence Mitchell and colleagues published studies of vacationers in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology and found that people rated trips more positively after they ended than during them. They called it rosy retrospection. A related finding from W. Richard Walker, John Skowronski, and Charles Thompson shows that unpleasant emotions tied to a memory tend to fade faster than pleasant ones, a pattern known as the fading affect bias.
Why can't people stop thinking about someone?
In a 1987 study, Daniel Wegner asked participants to say whatever came to mind for five minutes while trying not to think of a white bear. They rang a bell each time the bear came up, and they did so on average more than once a minute. Wegner proposed an ironic process in which the part of the mind that monitors for the unwanted thought keeps bringing it back.
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