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Therapy language can dodge accountability
The tell
The tell is what comes after the phrase. The accountable version asks consent first: can I share something with you? Then it uses I statements: when you said this, I felt dismissed, here is how it affected me, and here is what I need. The deflecting version turns it around: I set a boundary and you're not respecting it, even though the supposed boundary started with the speaker.
Therapy as a weapon
Narcissistic people can use therapy lingo as a weapon. Trauma dumping on a first date hands them a map for manipulating someone and becoming the center of their universe. One ex used the line that one of them loves the other more, and it's clear that it's him, and he knew the sore spot. He also told her he had done the work on himself and she was the one who hadn't.
The check-in
The moment to check in is a simple one: do I feel supported or judged?
Why do clinical words spread into everyday talk?
In 2016, psychologist Nick Haslam described concept creep in the journal Psychological Inquiry. He argued that terms such as abuse, trauma, bullying, and addiction have steadily widened to cover more kinds of experience and milder versions of them. Words that began in clinics and research labs now appear in ordinary conversation, where they take on looser meanings. Haslam works at the University of Melbourne.
Why does asking permission first change a conversation?
Edward Deci and Richard Ryan of the University of Rochester developed self-determination theory starting in the 1980s. It names autonomy, the sense of having choice over one's actions, as one of three basic psychological needs, alongside competence and relatedness. People tend to be more open to hearing something when they feel their choice is respected than when it is pressed on them.
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