The Gottman Institute

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse | The Gottman Institute: Relationship Behaviors that Lead to Failure

9 insights saved from this video by @relationships

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Contempt is the strongest predictor of relationship failure. It must be eliminated, not merely managed.
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If Four Horsemen behavior remains unchanged, relationship failure is predicted with over 90% accuracy.
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When stonewalling begins, take at least 20 minutes to calm down, then return to the conversation.
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Stonewalling is withdrawing from a conversation without resolving the issue. Repeated negativity can make it habitual.
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Contempt signals superiority through sarcasm, cynicism, name-calling, eye-rolling, sneering, mockery, and hostile humor.
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Trade criticism for an “I” statement about your feelings, followed by one positive, specific need.
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Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling are four destructive communication patterns linked to relationship failure.
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When conflict turns defensive, accept responsibility for at least one part of it.
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The antidote to contempt is respect, deliberately building a culture of appreciation between partners.

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